How long can you discover new things?....the internet is almost exhausted....of course there is that idea and those books..and that singer ..that are yet to be explored...but i feel reluctant already...
Occasionally you find something that strikes you...something without a long preface..and you keep it in your basket to be relished again and again ...
So its not new things ...sometimes an old melody that you once liked..feels so haunting again...and you turn back to it again...and again...
there are so many of them ....and below is one of them definitely
Winter is knocking at the door
Ants are busy gathering the last crumbs of the mad summer
The frogs have mated and are digging now for hibernation
In search of a home...they are now
The gathered honey and wax
The years harvest to be locked inside hearts
To peep through the furrows at the meek daylight
Or the cold cold breeze
Drying the concrete
Scratching the frail skin
On bitter cold mornings
Reaping the harvest now
A dead telephone
An empty mailbox
And a frayed blanket
There are birds that have not returned home
There are waves that never reached the shore
There are children that never found a grandmother
There are songs that were never sung
drink too much.spend too much.indulge ....indulge....and indulge.I want everything.Tonight I take revenge on life for all its injustices.
PUNISHMENT:
wake up with a guilty feeling..identity crisis.who am i?where do i belong?the Bengali middle class?...what about bargaining with the green grocer-er?..oh pain at looking at the father at the shop denying his son a Cadbury Bournville cause its too expensive....pain at looking at colleagues oh so concerned about changes in the payslip...
Two dogs were fighting over a piece of bone
And when one could keep it long enough in its mouth
In a pensive mood he would lecture about canine compassion.
2.Come tell me how you live
Are you the weight lifter?
Or are you the swimmer?
And how many times have you been raped?
And at last what price did you pay to make someone listen to your story?
jaise yudh me jane se pehle ek sipahi akash ki taraf dekhta hai
jaise nayi naweli dulhan subhe apne kamre ki khirki khulke dekhti hai
ek chota sa angan
jaise naye raste bulate rehte hai dur desh ke lorry drivers ko
jasie ghar chor ke boarding school jane pehle ki hichkichahat
jaise sagar ke samne khare dil ghabra jata hai itni azadiose
jaise adhi rat ki bechaini suraj ki kirno ke liye
jaise chourahe par koi sochta hai..ab kis raste jaon
kehta hai dil
lakho kahaniya shuru hone ko hai
kehta hai dil
sare manzile intezar mein hai
(do u remember the Star plus soap Kehta hai dil..." aj rat das baje "KEHTA HAI DIL" sirf star plus mein..or something like that..whoever voiced those schedules had an epic voice..suddenly remembered it)
the desire of the eunuch to make love
the dream of light of the blind
the depravity of the dumb to see people speak
the ecstasy of life in the eyes of the dying
a koel's cry in the ear of a crow
the hope of the insane to be accepted in society
and even trees want to walk
the dogs want to speak
an ocean of depravity
screaming ''me me me'
Change...everything changes...but change is an enigma...a mystery to the infinitesimally small being.The mind wanders at the change of season..at the change of day into night.As if all of these are the workings of someone beyond our knowledge and understanding......
An image comes to mind where it is eternally daylight...eternally summer .and all of the people are known to u....reason tells us that such a place must be a boring one.But it has security.Like home.
To imagine that today was the last autumn afternoon..the autumn of 2011..never to come back again....lost in the distant horizon with the slowly fading daylight...the mild cold breeze..and realizing.that so much is going to change in the coming days.The mind is unusually troubled at such a thought...is reluctant to let go of the ways of summer.Is at apprehension of loosing itself and the small nothings it had gathered and the sentimentalities that have come to define it....Because wasn't the summer a change after winter?...now its winter again....and all that u learnt and the blankets that u gathered to provide ur fragile heart a home..are about to be replaced..
and it feels like i am powerless ...unwilling to let go......
its like a threshold that has to be overcome to be at peace again with the winter...
and the mind already knows the sights and smell of whats coming...like meeting an old friend after a long long time....and u are uneasy about it... because its like falling again into the past..into the abyss of time gone by..to gaze at the face of it and to realize that life has not broken new grounds ...its again the same..the same.....to condescend into admitting it to some one from the past...to whom u shud have moved on...
moreover its winter...and brings the smell of drying earth ..only to push you into sea of subliminal lives you have lived....that of a carrot growing under the cold earth...in the night while the frost drip down its leaves..that of an owl hooting from some tree...in the dead of the night...the sound of gathered frost falling in droplets...to see an vision of purity like the times at nursery school and falling into a reverie looking at illustrations of rhyme books..."Hickory dickory dock..The mouse ran up the clock"
LORD NOT AGAIN...NOT AGAIN
so lets order the drinks..and make it easy...and look out at the future ..of hundreds of summers and winters to come...and share the memories we have had together...and we know each other too well....to have a lot of talk ...
ur silence at early morning....wrapped with the ashen gown of fog and like a mischief in my heart an image of walking alone on a distant hill ..listening to "piya basanti re "....wud be enough.......
music always accentuates a feeling...and the inner working of mind can fit any music to any imagery...
for me its the x files theme with this..
